If Only

I saw myself standing behind the podium and in front of a lot of people. They were cheering at me, calling out my name like I was someone very popular and close to them. I couldn’t help but notice that I was very fit and my face was glowing, I look younger, I look healthier. My body was like of a Greek Goddess. I look stunning and attractive, even.


I looked around and observed more until I found myself going down the stage and shaking hands with someone. Wait, that’s The President over there. I shook hands with The President! This was getting better by the minute. “This is not that bad”, I thought. Then I saw myself sit beside an attractive young man and a kid came rushing towards me and kissed me on the cheek. I read the kid’s mouth as he said “I’m proud of you, mommy.” The man leaned closer to me and held my hand tight and kissed it.


And then it hit me, I looked down and saw my own feet. I looked at my hands, and saw I was complete. I’m seeing how my life could turn out if I did everything right. If I made the right decisions, if I married the right man, if I applied for the right job. Every hint of regret slapped across my face. I was in the peak of breaking down to tears when a man I cannot recognize stood beside me, wrapped his arms on my shoulder and asked: “How’s your first day in hell, kid?”